14 weeks down! Only…. 24 weeks to go! Baby is doing wonderful! I had my “fetal heartbeat tone” check on monday. Heartbeat was about an inch-inch and a half under my belly button! S/he is growing wonderfully. The Heartbeat was 157 beats per minute! Mom went with me since JB couldn’t make it. (THANKS MOM!) And I’m doing pretty good too.
Emotionally you ask me? Better after having my 2 week heartbeat check. It’s really helped my anxiety. Granted I still get nervous before my appointments, I had less time in between appointments for my mind to get into the “negative” mode.
JB? He’s doing good too. He acknowledges the pregnancy and gets excited here and there, normally when we are alone, but that’s about the extent of it. He does however WANT a boy…. but we’ll see….
I’m very excited because a friend of mine who has also lost a baby is approx. 10 weeks ahead of me. Her baby shower party is next month. I have other baby shower invites coming in too but I just don’t think I can do it. Maybe it’s the fact that my friend and I share this common ground which allows me to be excited for her but I just can’t do it with other pregnant women. They are just so excited and I want to scream “why are you excited do you have any idea?!”. But at the same time, that isn’t fair either. So I tend to shy away from other pregnant women. I’ve lost my innocence and am not naive anymore either when it comes to this.
My brain works in funny ways lol. I have no intentions of being mean at all. Just my brain and how it processes things and thinks.
On another note: Halloween is coming up, and we are still going through Jayden’s “firsts”. This would be his first Halloween so JB and I bought him a little pumpkin. Mom bought a little pumpkin basket, some indian corn and a little pumpkin to put out by his headstone. I can’t wait to take it out there. I can’t believe his first birthday is just around the corner. I handle most of the “firsts” pretty well until I think about his first birthday and then my anxiety shoots through the roof. I can’t make a decision on what I want to do. I want to celebrate his life and the time we had with him and the day we brought him into the world but at the same time It’s going to be sooo sad. “Baby Steps” as my sister tells me….. So i’m trying to take it one day at a time.