http://karaboone.blogspot.com

blogspot has alot more options and extras and I like this server better. So i’m in the process of moving posts over manually since the import blog isn’t working correctly between Blogspot & wordpress but all my new posts will be on there. As a matter of fact, hop on over because I did finally update!!

Thanks,
KB

I love you, big brother.
You’re a person of the wind,
Free to be the memory
Of all that might have been.

I love you, big brother,
My companion of the night,
Wandering through my lonely hours,
Beautiful and bright.

What does it mean to die before
You ever can be born,
To live the lovely night of life
And never see the dawn?

Ah! My big brother,
You lived like anyone!
Life’s a burst of joy and pain,
And then, like yours, it’s done.

I love you, big brother,
Just as if you’d lived for years.
No more, no less, I think of you,
The angel of my tears.

So much has happened in the last few weeks that I’m not sure where to start.

During our 15th week, we were told that we were having an 80% girl! haha yes, there was still a 20% chance of her not being a little girl. After another ultrasound at 16 weeks, we were again confirmed that she was 80% girl!

During our 17th week we got our amnio done with our maternal fetal specialist. It honestly was not as bad as I thought it would be. It only hurt a little bit, mostly when they were going through my AB muscles. But once it was in, you couldn’t feel much.

I’m now 18 weeks (and 5 days) and today we got our Amnio results back. Rylee’s chromosomes came back absolutely perfect, perfect and PINK!! She is definantly a little princess!
She does however have 0- blood type and the antibody issue. This means that my body sees 0- blood as a “foreign body” and attacks it. So technically I’m allergic to her blood type. My red blood cells may attack her red blood cells and cause her to be anemic which in utero if left un monitored can cause death for the baby.

My MFM doctor is going to do weekly ultrasounds to monitor her blood flow and make sure that she is not becoming anemic. If she shows signs of becoming anemic they will do in-utero blood transfusions to offsest that. Our doctors are very optimistic that it will not end in IUTs but of course there are always possibilites of that being the case. So now it’s just a waiting game.

I am trying to stay positive. Right now, Rylee and I are healthy. And I am holding on to that. A Good friend told me today that being forewarned is being forearmed. We have the tools necissary to monitor this and take care of it. I’m just going to take it day by day and make sure to enjoy every single moment I have to be with Rylee. We’ve learned quickly that you just never know, and to cherish all moments. So I look forward to seeing my precious princess every single week!

I will update with our ultrasound on Friday at 9 am!!

Miss Rylee is doing great though, her heartbeat is approx. 147-157 on average. Which is nice and strong!! We are coming up closer to our half way mark. Technically with being delivered early, the half way mark is 18 weeks for us. So only 2 weeks to go!!! I have my amnio next thursday and I’m so anxious and nervous. I almost don’t wanna do it now since we know its a girl, but that isn’t why we are having to do it. I guess we’ll atleast know 100% for sure if Rylee really is agirl athough according to her ultrasound, theres nothing between those legs!! Let’s just pray that Rylee is 0+ and we can cross those possible problems out of our book!

I can’t wait to go shopping. JB doesn’t want to have anything to do with it. Everyone keeps asking me if I am going to have a baby shower since it’s a girl. I want to because I want to enjoy this pregnancy and baby and I want to celebrate but at the same time I can’t help be sad. I can’t help but mourn my baby boy. The only thing that keeps me from getting into a rut is to know Rylee has two angels up in heaven to keep her safe and watch over her. Who could be lucky enough to have not one, but two guardian angels?!

So JB and I have been arguing over middle names for some time now. I wanted Lyn because that is my middle name, Lynn is my dads middle name and Lynn is my papaws name. He wanted Nicole because that is his sisters middle name. We went back and forth. We decided we would come with something completely different and end that arguement. But after book and book and webpage and webpage of names NOTHING sounded right with Rylee. Then last night JB said he really wanted to call her Rylee J. But Jay seemed to boy-ish for me. And sorry but this girl is ganna be cute and girly and in dresses with cute shoes and purses. So we really liked the Jay part because Jayden is J-a-y and it would be cute to have a middle name for her big brother. To make it girly we came up with Jaylyn. Rylee Jaylyn Boone. It doesn’t exactly have the most perfect ring to it but absolutely no middle name has with Rylee lol but we like it and we can call her Rylee J for short.

Nothing was found except for a healthy little baby

GIRL!!!!

Miss Rylee will be here the first week of april! Now, I have lots of shopping to do since all we have is baby boy clothes! Luckily we did the nursery gender neutral with winnie the pooh so we are good there, just need lots of clothes and cute baby girl accessories!!!

Emotionally you ask me? Better after having my 2 week heartbeat check. It’s really helped my anxiety. Granted I still get nervous before my appointments, I had less time in between appointments for my mind to get into the “negative” mode.

JB? He’s doing good too. He acknowledges the pregnancy and gets excited here and there, normally when we are alone, but that’s about the extent of it. He does however WANT a boy…. but we’ll see….

I’m very excited because a friend of mine who has also lost a baby is approx. 10 weeks ahead of me. Her baby shower party is next month. I have other baby shower invites coming in too but I just don’t think I can do it. Maybe it’s the fact that my friend and I share this common ground which allows me to be excited for her but I just can’t do it with other pregnant women. They are just so excited and I want to scream “why are you excited do you have any idea?!”. But at the same time, that isn’t fair either. So I tend to shy away from other pregnant women. I’ve lost my innocence and am not naive anymore either when it comes to this.

My brain works in funny ways lol. I have no intentions of being mean at all. Just my brain and how it processes things and thinks.

On another note: Halloween is coming up, and we are still going through Jayden’s “firsts”. This would be his first Halloween so JB and I bought him a little pumpkin. Mom bought a little pumpkin basket, some indian corn and a little pumpkin to put out by his headstone. I can’t wait to take it out there. I can’t believe his first birthday is just around the corner. I handle most of the “firsts” pretty well until I think about his first birthday and then my anxiety shoots through the roof. I can’t make a decision on what I want to do. I want to celebrate his life and the time we had with him and the day we brought him into the world but at the same time It’s going to be sooo sad.  “Baby Steps” as my sister tells me….. So i’m trying to take it one day at a time.

I do have to say that the christmas stuff in the stores are really making my anxiety go through the roof. It just kind of hit me hard when we walked into the store. I’ve been dreading christmas for months now. Jayden was born on the 30th but they said he passed away 24-48 hours prior to us going in on the 28th (so that makes 26th-27th of december). It’s just going to be a rough week before his birthday. And it’s his first birthday.  I want to celebrate but it will be so hard to through all of the sad emotions. I’ve honestly started to think skipping christmas would work out, but I know that isn’t want Jayden would want. And being with family will probably be better than locking myself in my house alone and crying anyway. (lol). We’ll see, I’m taking it one day at a time….. I need to quit thinking a head and focus on today I suppose! I’m thankful for each day that I am pregnant with this little peanut, it’s just hard not to think of the “what-ifs” of the future.

Anyway!! Here’s to another week! (cheers! with some OJ lol). Here is my belly photo!

October is Infant Loss Awareness Month – So if you know another mom who’s had a loss, let her know you are thinking of her!

Where I’m at today:

I can finally say I am in a comfortable spot. I’m not “over” our losses and I never will be but I feel like I’ve finally found some peace with what has happened. I’m not sure if it’s being pregnant again that’s giving me hope and something to look forward too but I feel that right now at this moment, Everything is okay. I miss Jayden  & Baby Boone #2 more than anything and I still do cry, quite often, but at the same time… my good days are outweighing the bad ones. All the families who have lost babies are in my thoughts and prayers. Especially this month! Hugs.

Here is a video of our balloon release, Mom, Heather, JB and I tied our balloons together, it’s the big cluster you see floating away! And there were hundreds of other balloons!

Click here to view the video!

That being said, the first slot for him to do the training is January 21st. Okay fine, but I stay here while he is in training. The training doesn’t end until April 5th. Keep in mind I’m due April 15th and will be having my c-section @ 38 weeks (April 1st – April 6th). So there is a good chance that he may miss the delivery as well as missing the last two months of this pregnancy.

GOOD NEWS is that when he completes training, they said he will be stationed at Fort Knox, KY! Which is only 2 hours away from Indianapolis. And all of this means that I will get to keep my same OB/MFM doctors too which originally was my biggest concern with moving.

So, JB will come home in April and I’ll either of already had the baby or have the baby with in days of him being home and then we will move down to Fort Knox, KY.

So that is that!

Due to my anxiety, Dr. A (OB) decided to see me every 2 weeks instead of every 4. she said that I’ll still get nervous before appointments. she said I would even if she saw me every day but hopefully the frequent reassurance will easy my mind for a little while. She said i can come in anytime without an appointment to get a heartbeat check by the nurse and not to hesitate if I have any worry. She is just wonderful <3

So, my April Baby….. is going to be a GIRL who loves DIAMONDS from her daddy and pretty bouquets of daisies!!

April Birthstone: Diamond

April Flower: daisies

Year or the Tiger (2010)

April Star Sign: (3/21-4/19) Aries  <3

April Symbol: Ram

Ruling Planet: Mars

April color: Deep Red

As Children: Aries children grow up to be great leaders. They’re pioneers and visionaries giving force, energy, and inspiration to people around them. They are aggressive and enthusiastic, and inclined to be compulsive and quick in action; they are also stubborn and impatient. When challenged, Aries children are formidable opponents. Their pioneering instincts should be encouraged and their aspirations should be taken seriously and given great attention. Aries children are often seen as being ahead of their time.
Later in Life: Aries do best managing enterprises or businesses and tapping into unknown fields.

Anyway, Tuesday is our day to go to MEPS and get orders! I’m very excited for it. It’s about darn time! I hate this hurry up and wait stuff but I suppose I should get used to it. As soon as we know where we are going…. I will be able to call the hospital on post and get some more specific information on my medical/pregnancy situation.

Below is my pregnancy milestone chart! Follow along with me!

GIRL!!!

So the test is over 90% accurate. Not accurate enough for me to go out and buy girl things but I have felt this has been a girl from the start. With as sick as I am I’m pretty sure there is too much estrogen flyin in here for it to be a boy! HAHA But I’m happy with whatever it is that we are given!

We’ve been discussing names.

• Girl: Alexis Lyn Boone
• Girl: Riley Lyn Boone
• Girl: Riley Nicole Boone
• Boy: Jace Andrew Boone
• Boy Jace Allen Boone ( I like/JB doesn’t)
• Boy: Jordan Andrew Boone
• Boy: Jordan Michael Boone

Soooo leave your comments on names in the comments section for the post. I would love to hear opinions.

We watched army wives because that’s my favorite show, surely that would get me in a better mood…. NO it was a crappy episode and it was all back in the 1940s era going over a random story of how two army wives met. I wanted to see Joan deploy and see if roxy got pregnant!!! And the end said two episodes left until the season finale! UGH!!! that put a damper on my mood too.

Then I had to come down to help JB’s dad with homework. And I really don’t mind because it gives me something to do but I’m just in such a crappy mood today. I WANTED MY BOLOGNA!! Arg

In other news: JB got a call from the recruiter today. He gets to keep his E-5 rank when he enlists into the Army! We officially have a date for him to go to MEPS and sign the papers and get orders: we find out next monday! It would be sooner but he has to go to Annual Training for his job this week so monday it is! Monday is also our next pre-natal appointment which I can’t wait for.

But minus the sleeping constantly for a week now, my vomiting is down to a minimum unless i don’t take the meds. Then all hell breaks loose and i’m visiting the porcelain god as some people call it. It’s not fun and I feel miserable so I have to suffer being knocked out instead of vomiting. But good news is…. I’m at 10 weeks and the morning sickness normally lasts until 10-13 weeks of pregnancy – so it should be dying down soon…. I hope!!

So, I’m 10 weeks – which means I only have 28 weeks to go!! YAY! lol. 

How your baby’s growing:

Though he’s barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature.
He’s swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they’ll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy.
If you could take a peek inside your womb, you’d spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.
In other developments: Your baby’s limbs can bend now. His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord. Your baby’s forehead temporarily bulges with his developing brain and sits very high on his head, which measures half the length of his body. From crown to rump, he’s about 1 1/4 inches long. In the coming weeks, your baby will again double in size — to nearly 3 inches.

On the Military front: JB went to MEPS and did his physical. Now we are waiting to see if there is a slot open for him to keep his E-5 rank or if he will have to drop down to E-4. They said we would know within a week – but it’s been 3 months since we started this enlistment process so i’m not holding my breathe. I don’t count on them following the timeline. They never do.

So of course that crosses my mind alot but honestly I can’t seem to focus on much else. This morning, noon, and night sickness is killing me. I can’t seem to keep my head out of the toilet long enough to do anything. I am so tired I have no energy and all I do is puke. I’m miserable. Nurse G offered some meds to help but she said that in my case, I’ll be more freaked out about not having any symptoms and she wants me to wait it out. She said B6 (which i’m taking), ginger/ginger ale (I’ve tried), mint gum (been chewing), and protien (eaten and thrown up) should help. Well, not for me but I think she is right, I don’t want to not have ANY symptoms because puking = things are going well and my body is doing what it should be. So for now, I’m going to be miserable.

At least JB is being a good sport. I feel so bad for him! Between my puke and my mood swings, he should get a medal or something. He’s been making dinner, letting me take naps and keeping the dogs at bay while I do so, rubbing my back, and holding me. He’s been amazing, but poor guy looks as miserable as I do!! He hasn’t said much about the pregnancy but when he does, he is very excited. I wasn’t expecting him to bond so much already because he isn’t the type to put feelings out there front and center, you kinda have to pull them out. But I think he is feeling just as good and confident as I am so far.

Well enough for today, I’m going to lay down because I feel the chunks coming – (ughk)

KB & BB#3

(ultrasound from tuesday: Heartbeat was 132 bpm and you can see her/his little leg buds!! the arrow is pointing to the head so s/he is kinda up-side-down floating around.)

Baby Boone’s HeartBeat Video – Click Here!

They did blood work today to check and see what antibodies I have besides anti E and go from there. If the baby is 0- my red blood cells will attack the baby’s red blood cells. They will monitor this by monitoring the baby’s main artery in the brain and see if the baby becomes anemic. Amemia is a sign that this is happening. If this is the case, then we will have to do an in-utero blood transfusion which is where blood is inserted directly in to the umbilical cord.

HOPEFULLY, the baby will have 0+ blood link me! Dr. S said if this is the case, then he will be able to release me to my regular OB full time! As for my blood clotting disorder, lovenox and ultrasounds are all they can do as a precaution.

We have another ultrasound tomorrow at the OB! So i’ll be able to update more!

Hopefully I start to get feeling better here soon! I’ve been trying to call around and talk to someone at Fort Stewart, Fort Knox and Fort Benning about their OB unit at the hospital and whether or not they have high risk OBs/MFM or If they refer you out. But no one seems to have a clue – and I can’t get a direct phone number because I don’t live on the base – yet – It’s getting frustrating. The more I have visits with Dr. S and Dr. A, the more I get nervous to leave. Josh and I were also wondering, since Dr. A and Dr. S said if I come home i’m tech. still their patient, that if we can do our prenatal care where ever and deliver here in Indy? Not sure  if that could work or not but we’ll see. I’m just probably being a baby LOL and I’ll have to get over it but I LOVE my doctors!

Update on the moving front: we SHOULD have the last signature tuesday. JB’s dad made some phone calls to some higher ups, whom I can’t name, and they got the paper work and JB’s unit straightened out. So we should know some moving news in the next week – but i’m not holding my breathe, ….it’s been 3 months now?….. so who knows!

WE HAVE A HEARTBEAT. It was one of the most awesome things. I could just hardly see the tiny little flicker. It made my heart melt! At first, she couldn’t get the heartbeat. She didn’t think it had started yet. But then she got a little flicker and just one wave length: 5 bpm, she kept working on it and it would slowly work it’s way up and finally got to 90 bpm. So it turns out we got to witness the actual starting of the heartbeat and I believe that that was Jayden’s gift to us to let us know he’s there and watching over his brother or sister.

So in turn for a heartbeat, I get to start my lovenox injections (blood thinner) to prevent any blood clots like I had with Jayden. I have to give these to myself once a day. The nurse showed me today how to use them, gave me a hazard box to put them in and then they can dispose of them for us. I just inject the needle into my belly around my belly button or so. The needle is tiny and doesn’t hurt at all. I didn’t even feel it. What i did feel was the medication. It burned so bad!!! and continued to burn for about 20 minutes after!!!! But I suppose I have 31 more weeks of this so I better just suck it up!!

The doctors are very concerned about me and baby and JB too! Next week will be hecktic.

• Monday: 930am Ultrasound (4D) and 10am appt. with Maternal Fetal Specialist :: (Dr. S)
• Tuesday: 130pm Ultrasound with OB :: (Dr. A)
• Wednesday: 900am prenatal appointment with Dr. A

They will be keeping a very close eye on me now that I am High Risk and on blood thinners. EEK! But that’s okay because I don’t have down time to sit and think too much. It keeps me busy and looking ahead rather than looking back and thinking negatively and I’m sure you all don’t mind the updates I know that this is worrying our family and friends just as much as it is worrying us! And we couldn’t get through this with out your support and prayers.

Have a wonderful day!

KB & little peanut

On a good note: Baby has limb flippers and his/her brain is growing! Bone cells are deveopling and the nervous system outline is almost complete!!! WOW. I know i’ve already been through one pregnancy but this process really just intrigues me. Sometimes I feel like an alien because something is growing inside of me lol! But each week just amazes me more and more.

ULTRASOUND IS AT 3PM – UPDATE THEN!!!!!!

So while betas cannot tell whether there are multiples, it is an indicator to throw up a flag and say “check this out!!” So we have ultrasound on Thursday at 3pm! I’m not far enough along to see much more than the gestational sac or anything so we probably won’t hear heartbeats yet. But we will see the sacs and will be able to see how many are in there!

I’m 5weeks 5 days pregnant. Here is what is happening this week: The changes to your growing embryo are not quite as drastic this week as they’ve been in the last few weeks. Growth is now largely focused on their little head, which is starting to develop much more rapidly than the rest of their tiny body. This is because their amazing brain is undergoing some very crucial and rapid development in order to effectively regulate their heart rate, blood circulation, and other vital functions. As for the rest of their miniature body, what were simple limb buds last week are limb flippers this week and the tail is more expressed. Amazingly, within a mere five weeks your little miracle is already developing the rudimentary forms of their liver, pancreas, lungs, stomach and nasal pits while their little heart is already increasing its circulation. Your baby is now a whopping 4-6mm in length.

I just wanted to say a quick thank you to those who are reading my blog. This has been the biggest outlet for me in my grieving and healing  journey. While it helps to get my feelings down and see them visually, it makes me feel better when someone else is reading them. I also hope my story can give hope to those who are in my situation. As much of hope that can be taken in anyway because I know better than anyone it’s hard to look forward.

I’ll update soon!

KB

12 DPO I had my first beta hCG blood test. Levels were VERY promising! hCG: 57 and Progesteron: 32. OB was hoping for PRogesterone to be 20 so that was great!

14 DPO I had my 2nd beta hCG blood test. Levels were *supposed* to double every 48 hrs. Mine grew 4.5+ times more than they were expecting to! (THIS IS GOOD!!)  hCG: 268  Progesterone was not calculated this time.

16 DPO I had my 3rd beta hCG blood test and an appointment with my OB as well as a PAP (yuck!!). I will know these test results on monday. If they grew alot more than just doubling again, we may be able to do an early ulstra sound to see if there are multiples. Because higher hCG levels can POSSIBLY mean twins or more but not always.

I got my prescription for my Lovenox injections. As soon as we confirm heartbeat on an ultrasound I will start giving myself shots in the belly once a day. (blood thinners for a blood clotting disorder). I’m scared of this!

We see our maternal fetal medicine specialist (MFM) on 8/31 for an ultrasound and appointment. So I’m very excited! We should be 7 weeks 4 days by this time.

We finally got on tricare insurance because the lovenox shots are approx. $3,000 out of pocket and with tricare we only have to pay a $9 co-pay.

Anyway, keep the prayers coming. We keep praying that hopefully everything keeps progressing normally (or better than normal). After losing two babies, twins would be fantastic! But we can only pray for that. I’ll keep everyone updated!!

Take Care,

KB & Baby Boone #3

Yay! JB was promoted sunday to Sgt!! I’m absolutely so very proud of him!!!

I went to get my military ID today, and boy do I take horrible pictures!!  *sigh*. But JB is going to be going to MEPS this week to figure out where we are going to be living for the next 3 years. I’m so anxious and excited. I’ll keep you updated.

Congrats to all my SPALS moms who just had spals beautiful babies this week/weekend!! So exciting, their big sibilings are watching down from above and are smiling

I do have to say that those two weeks gave me a taste of what next time will bring. And yes, there will be a next time. There WILL. But it scared me. For those two weeks, knowing my hcg’s were low, the stress and anxiety it brought on…. holy crap. How will I ever make it through 9 months of that? To those of you who made it through 9 months after losing a precious baby…. kudos to you. Your strong.

I know when it comes down too it, sure, I can do it but there is no doubt in my mind that it would be the most stressful, most anxiety ridden 9 months of my life. I’ve lost my innocents to pregnancy. Every little thing will concern me and I will be visiting the hospital every day. Ultrasound please!

I feel as if, our loss of Jayden, prepared us well for our second loss. I can’t figure out if I feel that either I should of just expected it, or if losing Jayden was the worst possible thing so losing a baby in the first week of finding out i’m pregnant wasn’t a big deal (which it really is and no less of a loss than a stillbirth) or that I’m just in denile. I can’t figure it out. I’m upset, my heart hurts, I cry but it’s nothing like it was with Jayden. But then again these are two completely different losses also. I don’t mean to compare the two and by no means is one less than the other because they were both my babies, but I can’t help but compare Jayden to this little baby. I don’t know I am definantly struggling with how to handle this loss. Do we let it just go because we have nothing physical of this pregnancy to hold on to other than a positive pregnancy test, or do we memorialize this baby? And if we do, how do we do that?

It’s going to be another long road. We are able to TTC next month, but we shall see…..

On the moving front, JB comes home next saturday from training and then we go to MEPS to figure all the details out, looking at housing, pick a duty station and get a move date. I’ve been packing like crazy!!!! and I’m tired of it already. And I still have so much more to do!

*sigh* Life…. Could it just slow down and be relaxing for just a moment?

That’s all I have for today – I’ll update later.
KB
*Mommy to two angels in heaven*

I’ll update when I have results tomorrow!

KB

I do know that our general timeline is going to be getting into the OB and as soon as their is a heartbeat, they will start me on the blood thinner shots twice a day in my belly. My friend who is a month ahead of me said her tummy is black and blue from them then at 12 weeks we will have an amnio done to test the DNA and see if everything looks good and tell the blood type because there may be an issue if the baby is 0- like Jayden was. Then from them on they will monitor me closely with ultrasounds and non stress tests and go from there. I should be delivered at 37-38 weeks. I should be due about March 15, 2010. But with delivering early it will be end of Feb. First week of march.

I’m nervous about the military and being pregnant. More now than when I was just taking into the fact that I could be pg. luckily I have to have a specialist and the military hospital will refer me out to a civilian doctor. I’m still nervous just because of the horror stories I’ve heard about the military hospital experiences.

Well I’m going to go lay back down. Maybe clean a little bit, but I’m super tired.

Xo.

KB

My timeline:

• Thursday: Sweep/dust/windows in the loft, guest bedroom, guest bedroom #2; laundry
• Friday: sweep/dust/clean/mop the half bath and upstairs full bath; laundry
• Saturday: sweep/dust/windows on the ledge above the front door; office; laundry; hallways; laundry room
• Sunday: sweep/dust/windows in the living room and dining room; laundry
• Monday: sweep/dust/mop/windows in the kitchen, pantry; laundry
• Tuesday: take apart bunk beds, pack sheets/blankets, pack books/movies, pack hanging baskets and decorations
• Wednesday: Pack up office stuff; laundry
• Thursday: pack up all of JB’s military stuff; laundry
• Friday: Pack up any non essential kitchen items; laundry
• Saturday: Pack up the nursery (this is going to be a really hard one!)
• Sunday: Pack up all winter clothes, purses, accessories and bath items that are non essential

So yes I have a long list of things to do. There are still other things other than packing I have to do, like get all of our bills and important documents all together. Transfer all of our online things to my new email address. As soon as we have a new mailing address, change all bills, forward new address to friends and family and start planning on the actual move details.  I also have to get into doctors offices and get all my medical records so if I do become pregnant, god willing… I can figure out what to do with the military doctors. That will for sure be nerve racking.

Well, anyway that’s whats new with me! I’m back to lounging around. I’m super tired from cleaning the garage!

Xo

KB.

Have a good day and happy father’s day!

KB

This does however mean that deployments are in our future. It’s the one part of the military that isn’t my favorite. But to be honest, it’s JB’s favorite! He loved when he was overseas two years ago and has been wanting to go back.

We are just waiting for JB’s NG unit to sign over his conditional release and off to the Army we go. We will be able to find out where we will go after he signs over to the Army. We have considered Germany – where JB was born, but there is alot of draw backs on my end of that tour. JB also would like Ft. Benning because it’s the home of the Infantry. Ft. Knox is on our list too, that is only 2 hrs away from Indy so we’ll be close to home to start out and make the transition easier. Who knows. They say we’ll be able to pick but then again…. It’s the army and we go where they need us.

I had lots of questions for the recruiter. We have 3 dogs and a cat who we could not part with and he said while they do have a 3 pet “policy” they are not strict on it and as long as we pay to get them were ever they need to go, we should be okay. We are still debating on how well we can handle 3 dogs in a smaller house but…….. we’ll see.

As for my medical issue, us getting pregnant and needing a specialist, he said that they will mark JB’s file so that our housing is located very close to the hospital. I will be getting a specialist and my pregnancy should be taken well care of. I’m also getting a referral letter from my OB here to make sure that when the time comes, I’m getting the proper care that I will need for a subsequents pregnancy after loss.

I’m really excited but I’m overwhelmed with the “to do list” we have been given. We have to sell our house, get the dogs all their shots, pack up and have a garage sale because we have too much stuff to move! So, here’s to our new journey and life as a full time military family…….

…mom, don’t hate me. I’ll still come visit. Promise.

KB

Things have been crazy busy lately. Which is good. I like staying busy. Keeps my brain from thinking! We re-did my office and its amazing!! I will post pics later. We have re-done our flower bed, cleaned the house, gone to family events, military events, and tried to squeze one on one time in too. Who knew itd be so hard!

As for our trying for another beautiful baby boone, no luck last month. I was late and really bummed when “it” came. But hey. I do finally get to celebrate my bday this year. 16 days!!! Ill be 22! (Wow!)

Where did that number come from? Yeah I’m not sure either!

Alright well time to head home from work!!

Xo.
KB.

Every little thing and even people litterally make me so stress I don’t know what to do with myself at times. The littlest thinks erk me. The littlest disagree ment seems like the end of the world.

Not to mention I’m losing hair by the handful!! Make that…. Handful(s). I’m talking 4-6 handfuls after showering and another 1-2 throughout the day. Its a wonder I’m not bald yet!!!

I can proudly say that this month I have not let ttc consume me (and I still managed to get stressed out). But I haven’t charted temps/discharge and I only peed on a stick for about 7 days and to be honest unless I make an effort to look at my fertility monitor, I can’t tell you what cycle day I’m on. I generally know which week but that’s about it. And I like it this way. Charting ruins me. Too stressful. I do know that AF (my period – aunt flow as other ttc-ers call it) should arrive next weekend. And I have pledged to myself that I will not test unless I miss my period.
So I’m ready for the weekend which for me approx. Starts at 130am on fridays since I work nights. We do have a busy one tho… Sat is tailgating at the race and sunday is the race and we get to go with the guard recruiting team, check out the pits and al that fun jazz!!

Okay well I’m back to work for now- I’m sure everyone can hear my thumbs texting away!!

Xo. KB

We are also trying to figure out a time to take a trip to Canada to meet up with our new canadian friends we met on the cruise So that should be in the near future too!

Life is sort of back to normal.  Mother’s day went better than I had expected although all we did was sleep in an airport – but that was perfectly fine with me. Not much to remind me which day it was except for the few lovely text messages (thank you!!) and a screaming newborn in front of us on the plane (figures right?)

Mom came over and helped me clean  the house this weekend! It was much needed since the the friends, who were staying with us until they found a place, found a place to call home. Dad fixed the toilet and messed with the water heater and mom and I cleaned/mowed the grass… okay mom did that – I admit i’ve never touched a lawn mower in my life – nor do I plan to. I consider that JOSH’S chore (except when mom comes to do it lol). I don’t like getting dirty with grass stains.

Anyway, JB is in Nashville tomorrow so I’ll be working and then starting to tear in to my big black whole. (AKA my office).  I get all of our bills via e-mail so the fact that I also get paper mail doesn’t quite work for me. I have a HUGE pile of mail that just needs to be shredded but our poor shredder can only handle 3 pages at a time – so it takes quite a while to do. I also need to clean out everything in the office because we are planning on re-doing my office!! YAY! making it into an official craft space and craft space alone. My sewing machine will finally have a place of it’s own on an uncrowded desk and plenty of storage and shelving with room to grow!

Emotionally, things have been good. More good days than bad are starting to come, though those bad days can sure catch you off guard! TTC is getting frustrating. I know 3 months is nothing to a lot of people who try for years. But for me, it seems like an eternity. My brain thinks I should be pg 3 months ago and my heart knows i should already have a baby in my arms. So that on top of trying is just beyond my emotional control some days. I’m crossing my fingers as this week was “the week” particularly yesterday and today. JB left for Nashville today though so now it’s the waiting period again. This month I have not charted temps and fluids because I find myself to get overly anxious and stressed. So this month I’ve just stuck to peed on a stick (I’m addicted lol) and using the fertility monitor which tells you what day your fertile. And I have noticed a lot less stress. So we’ll see…. Check back in 10 +/- days for that result. 

JB is good. Back to work and traveling for the military. He LOVED the cruise and we are ready to plan our next cruise vacation! Hopefully to Bahamas/eastern Caribbean! 

Well back to work! 

xo, KB

Minus the sunscreen I put on and the fact that I was under the canopy the whole time on the water, I still managed to get burnt My arms and face hurt! *ugh* But I am feeling better today. We were so exhausted we went to dinner and then sat around with J&S and talked until 1am then went to bed. We didn’t participate in any of the activities. It’s so fun to sit and talk with them and compare Canada with the US. lol

We are off to a Galley tour of the kitchen, and crew deck today at 3pm and then dinner at 6pm and carnival legends at 8pm (where carnival guests get to preform on the big rome lounge stage). Then we have power ball bingo at 9pm and a farewell party tonight at 11pm.

Tomorrow is going to be such a hard day. Since it is Mother’s day. I have thought of Jayden non stop this whole time. And like I said, this vacation has been amazing, but I still don’t “feel” any better. My heart still aches. We will be throwing rose petals off our balcony tomorrow in memory of Jayden. Even today has been a little rough, I have been on the verge of tears all day.

But at the same time, I’m not ready to come home. I wish we could stay on the ship forever! I love cruising. I love traveling. *If only i could quit my job and sail away* lol

update later-
me.

The VIP is awesome too. When we got to the port at noon-thirty, we were taken to a VIP lounge while everyone else had to stand in snake/queue lines. It took from 1230-3 for everyone else to get on and we got on right away! We were able to go have a few drinks and enjoy the ship until our luggage got to the room. Only downside to VIP is that your luggage gets on first, and to your room last! Because they fill up the luggage in the bottom of the boat and then when they set said they go through and deliver it to you. *oh well, worth it *

now we are hanging out on the ship. It’s fabulous! Our room is awesome, we have a king size bed, couch, vanity, bathroom, two big closets, private balcony. with a AWESOME view! We se sail at 4pm and slowly said good-bye to Miami Florida!!! We are officially out of the country! We had dinner at 6pm and had some awesome steak, mac n cheese and veggies and then some AMAZING *Chocolate Melting Cake*. It was like a thin cake layer with chocolate fudge in the middle. It’s to die for!!!! We actually have a table for four for dinner. We were sat with another couple who is from Ontario Canada. They are 21 & 22 and really nice. We will probably hang out with them a little. It’s their 2nd and 5th cruise. Glad we were sat with someone, we were worried about finding another couple our age to hang with.

We are going to hit up the 1030pm Welcome Aboard show and the probably turn in for the night because we are exhausted!!! We will be up first thing to see a dr about my feet because of the swelling (hopefully it’s better in the morning) and then we are heading out to the pool to relax and lay out – don’t worry – i’ll be wearing socks!!!

We have taken alot of pictures already but the internet is satellite and it’s slow. I have to type out my blogs and then get on and post them. And net is expensive too. So I’ll try to get on Wednesday and post some pictures but no promises!!

Have fun wherever you are!!! We are having fun in the middle of the beautiful ocean!!!! Talk to you tomorrow with more updates!!!
(don’t worry mom- i’m fine just a little sun burn….. )

I will be able to update on the cruise. I can get 100min/$55 or 250/$100. I haven’t decided which route i’ll go. I am going to type up my posts prior to getting online to send so that I don’t waste minutes. The internet is satalite and from what I hear, it’s slow – so pictures will have to be a wait and see thing. I’ll try to upload them to my google account (link is posted in the “where to find me links on the side panel –>” but don’t count on anything because I don’t want to waste my minutes uploading when I can be blogging! I’ll probably blog while we are in the suite getting ready before dinner or if I need a break from the sun during the day. btw- we got upgraded from a regular balcony to a big suite because JB is military!! It has a whorlpool and a living room, bedroom, large private balcony, changing room/closets and a bathroom! I’m very excited even though we will not spend much time in the room itself!

So0o0o other than that nothing much is new. We got to see little miss Lilly Hope today. JB’s battle buddy had a little girl on March 2. She’s the cutest thing. I wasn’t sure how I’d handle it but to be honest I loved holding her. She’s such a good baby and so darn cute! I really have found I am fine around friend’s babies. It’s the “other” pregnant women I just am jealous of. I do not wish anything bad on any one of course. Just jealous. What bother’s me the most is those stupid comments people can make. 4 months later and I still get them. It’s frustrating but I am learning to keep my mouth shut and walk away. While others don’t mean to be hurtful, alot of times it really is.

Also, happy 4 months old to Jayden!! I can’t believe it’s been 4 months already. Time has flown by, yet I still feel like it was yesterday and that I am kind of still stuck back in December. This month was another unsuccessful one. I was actually late 4 days. And I called my OB to get a blood test done before we left and not an hour after I was off the phone with her my ugly period showed it’s face. I was bummed of course but trying to look at the bright side (still working on that) but I will be able to enjoy this vacation worry free (minus getting the swine flu lol)  So hello to month #3 of trying for another gorgeous baby boone! OB has said that (she’s really rooting for us) and that if we go for 4 months of trying with no luck to come in for a consultation and check up just to see what is going on. We should have some luck since we are using an expensive fertility monitor that tell us the exact days I am ovulating. So… we’ll see how it goes.

Alright well, off to finish packing!! I’ll take lots of pictures for you.

Oh also – since I will not be home until  midnight on mother’s day – happy mother’s day to all of you. A special mother’s day to all the special mother’s (moms and g-mals and aunts) in mine and josh’s life. We love you all so much and we can’t say enough that you are so special and we don’t know what we would do without you!

One more thing: Please keeps some prayers going for grandpa (josh’s stepmom’s dad) He’s started his chemo on the tumor on his face. He’s one of the strongest people I know, he goes through so much. So I know he can make it through this but prayers always help!! It will be zapping the energy right out of him, energy he already doesn’t have.

Okay okay, time to pack although I’d much rather chat!

Love,

Kara

***If you collected cash or check please make sure that you take it to the bank on or before April 23rd. The participating banks are listed below and will not be taken by March of Dimes on the day of the walk.***
April 23rd is BANK DAY- We have 4 locations that you can take your team totals to:
Flag Star Bank (3 locations) 11:00 am to 1:00 pm
1.)     71st Street and Binford
2.)     7245 US 31 South
3.)     10617 E. Washington Street
March of Dimes Office  10:00 am to 5:00 pm
136 E. Market St., Ste. 500
Indianapolis, IN 46204

***I’d like to meet at 9am @ IUPUI so that I can hand out team tshirts, we can get our team photo taken and submit our team t-shirts for a contest!***

***Please park at the IUPUI Campus on New York Street*** We will meet in the parking lot.

***The walk is through the city not on the IUPUI track which is better than just walking in circles. I’d like to walk as a group and there are plenty of rest stops along the way so we can take a break. They also have hotdogs, water and fruit for walk participants at the end in military park.***

***Walk Schedule***
9am Registration Starts (Be there at 9am there will be lines)
9am-9:45am visit sponsors, team photo, tshirt competition
9:45am official announcements, presenting colors & national anthem
10am March Starts 4-miles make sure to pick up route card!
10:45-11:30am walk ends in Military Park with hotdogs, water, chips and fruit. Awards for raising over $1000.  (THATS US!!!)

*AirBounce for the kids
*Kids ID Bus
*Famous Footwear giveaways
*FedEx water & Giveaways
*3 Bands playing in a shelter house for entertainment!

********
Again, thank you so much for participating and reaching $1000. I couldn’t be more proud of our team. You all are amazing.
*******

From what my research has shown, (aka google and medical journals) Hyper-IgE causes immune disorders. Such as allergies to dogs, cats, house dust mites, milk and eggs. It also can cause recurrent infections to the eyes, ears, sinuses and lungs.

In biology, Immunoglobulin E (IgE) is a class of antibody (or immunoglobulin “isotype“) that has only been found in mammals. It plays an important role in allergy, and is especially associated with type 1 hypersensitivity.^[1] Although IgE is typically the least abundant isotype – blood serum IgE levels in a normal (“non-atopic“) individual are only 0.05% of the IgG concentration^[7], compared to 10 mg/ml for the IgGs (the isotypes responsible for most of the classical adaptive immune response) – it is capable of triggering the most powerful immune reactions.

Now, the nurse said that with future pregnancies, I will have to be monitored very closely. They will do a 12 week amnio and do a DNA analysis to determine what is going on. Depending on those results, we will most likely have to go back for many ultrasounds and tests to monitor. Because from what I understand, my body is going to treat the baby as if it is an allergen. meaning I am technically going to be allergic to the baby and that my antibodies will try to fight it off since it has a resistance to Jayden’s blood type now.  She said that future pregnancies can come out just fine,  I will just be very high risk and have lots of monitoring.

To be honest, I do not want a sick child. But I would like a living child and deal with asthma. (asthma seems to be the most likely result out of all the ones listed above, those are just possibilities not for sure problems).

I am still very nervous about getting pregnant again. Apart of me wants a baby so badly and would deal with asthma or other infections etc. But at the same time I feel selfish for even thinking about putting my child through that. I honestly can’t tell you how I feel. I’m just so torn and my heart is so broken. I want to have my own children so badly. I am ready to be a mother. I just feel… well, selfish i guess. Josh and I did agree that if this pregnancy did not work out that we would look into adoption. But that will be a last resort.

For this month, we test on the 24th, which is JB’s 21th birthday. I have mixed feelings about whether or not I want to be pregnant or not. I do more than anything but like I said, there are so many risks. But if I am, I will be so happy. I may not show it at first and I’ll be scared out of my mind but the thought of a baby in my arms makes me smile. Jayden needs a little brother or sister.

Well on a lighter note, JB has drill this weekend. So I am going to hang out with my mom in the morning tomorrow and then stay the night with one of the girls we go to support group with. Her husband is gone with the military as well so figured a girls weekend sounded like a good idea.  Pizza, movies and being bums!!

Well I’ll update more once I talk with our OB tomorrow or monday. Probably monday. Have a great weekend world!!!

love,

Me.

I am just floored at all the support our friends and family have given us. March of dimes mission really touched our hearts. Not only do they do research for babies, but are working on research for the blood disorder the doctors think I have when I am pregnant. I was in tears this morning when I saw the total hit $475!!

I can’t tell you all how much it means to us that you have donate and joined our team to walk. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts!!!

We love you baby Jayden. We love you and miss you so much. Keep watching over us. We are always watching for you see you soon baby boy!! Love you

I got an email asking if I was every going to turn my blog into a book. Lol *dreams*

So I do think I’ve been a little bit hard on my job. With getting switched to night shift and having co-workers pretend I was never pregnant or have a son, I was ready to give up. Just wanted to quit. But today, I’m trying to look at the brightside of things!
1. *WHEN* I get pregnant again, I have days open for appointments, sunshine, and husband quality time outside, and gardening!
2. since ppl don’t talk to me, no stupid comments are said and in return my mouth, with the returning arguement of their stupid comments, won’t get me in trouble.

Step one: thinking positive. Check!

I’ve decided to spend a little time each day in our front flower bed when I start my night shift next week. We r dedicating it to Jayden! A little sunshine should help my mood! Hopefully. Give me some alone time with mr. Jayden too.

Although I’m thinking positive – those dreadful down moments still show up. I cried on my way home last night. Cried during marley and me when jen was told there was no heartbeat. Cried when I went to bed. No wonder my vision sucks – I’m always crying!

I did find comfort in another mother’s blog where she stated what her pastor had said at their funeral. Jayden was perfect. He never sinned. Was never faced with this horribly ugly awful world, he never had to struggle through a bad economy, he never new evil. He was taken away as perfect as anyone could be. And will forever be perfect, in both mine and God’s eyes. That comforts me. He IS perfect. In every way.

So, mother’s day is coming up. I originally was going to spend the day starting on the flower bed but then realized may 10th is mothers day and we get home from vacation at 11pm. So ill shoot for the following day. I’m glad ill have distractions that day, but crying in airports and on planes, ppl will think I’m nuts. I’d rather just spend the day with my mommy. We’ll have to do something before our trip then.

Poor JB – a lady at his work had a baby in february and manages to constantly talk about how big, how great, her little girl is. She smiles so much etc etc. JB just can’t handle that – and while everyone is entitled to brag, you’d think she would atleast keep her mouth shut when JB is in the operator chat working. Other operators have noticed that she really only ends up saying things when JB is online working. I’m sure she doesn’t mean to but its taking a toll on him. He never says anything about how he is feeling and he finally cracked today. I wish I could just tell her to shut the hell up. We r happy she got her baby but we lost ours and how inconciderate can you be??? I’d really like to have a little chat with her but its JB’s place not mine. But boy if I had a chance she has no clue what’s coming!!! Hurting my husband like that who does she think she is!!!!????

Anyway- back to work for me before I get myself upset over things being said around JB and hurting his feelings

Have a good day – ill be at work enjoying my lovely job. Alone in my corner!

Xoxo
Jayden’s mommy

So Josh and I are taking a VACATION!! We’ve never actually had a real vacation. We’ve gone to Nashville, Effingham, Atlantic city but never a super big vacation. Well come May, we will be!! We decided to use our tax $$ and take a cruise to the Western Caribbean!

We are going on Carnival Cruise Lines on the Triumph ship to Ocho Rios, Jamaica; Grand Cayman Islands; Cozumel, Mexico! It’s going to be a blast. Our cruise is 7 days total. Our ship’s top features are a 12′x12′ movie screen on the deck under the stars, wine bar, coffee bar, dance club, mini-golf, water slides, hot tubs, 3 pools, casino, theater for comedians, las vegas type shows, musicals etc, and sports bar, just to name a few! We got a balcony stateroom so that we can have a private dinner on our balcony and enjoy some alone time as well as enjoying the rest of the ship!

Oh and have NO fear! For $10 we can get wifi, so we will be able to take my precious mac book computer to update you with pictures of our wonderful time!!! *You know those lovely “wish you were here” kind of letters you know you love so much*

We have talked it over with carnival and they will not allow us to let balloons off for Jayden on the boat, (because they are not biodegradable. I’ve found several articles that LATEX balloons are biodegradable…. anyhow, we are still trying to come up with a good idea. They said we can throw flower petals over board, have a prayer with the captain of the ship, or something of that nature. Or leave a yellow rose at each port before we leave with a little note tied to the stem. We don’t know what we will do yet, but we are trying to think of something special. But at the same time, we do want it to be something fun, this trip is supposed to be a pick me up so it’s got to be something that won’t dull the moment either. Kinda polar opposites huh? Any suggestions, just reply at the bottom of the post!!!

Here are some pictures from the carnival website! We are thrilled and We got our passports, everything is paid for and we are ready to go….. no we just have to wait 30 more days *sigh*

We will have a rented fetal heart monitor at home. www.tinyheartbeats.org rents them to couples who have had a loss, so that they can have a piece of mind. We so will get one at 12 weeks.

Well, again, back to work!!! (I hate work :/)
Xoxo

It was a great getaway! We were out in the country and went shooting. I shot a .22, .380, .40, .45, AK47, trapdoor Springfield (the one gen custard used!) And some others. It was so much fun and surprisingly enough, I actually hit the targets!! Be proud!

After that we visited grandma sherry and Dallas and I absolutely love their house. Their back yard is just miles of rolling hills. It was very peaceful. (So peaceful JB and I fell asleep!!)

After that we headed back to gina’s moms for a chill/hot dogs/hamburger dinner and played this awesome card game called hand and foot. It was so much fun!!! It was guys vs. Girls. And yes of course the girls won!!!

By the end of the game, it was pretty late so we headed home. JB and I talked the whole way home (although I believe I dosed off here and there). On the way to and from Effingham off of 70 I believe, there is the worlds largest cross. (Ill post pics later). It’s made of metal and it is huge!! We have decided for Jayden’s first birthday, we would like to go out there, pray and let off the blue balloons we are getting made. They are going to say: Jayden Henry Boone born with wings on 12.30.2008″ with a little angel graphic from balloonprinting.com.

Well back to work for me! Ill post our pictures later!!!

With love
Kara

• I have high protien C and low protien S (blood clotting issues)
• It’s possible that Jayden hemorrhaged (for some reason) and instead of bleeding out to where I would expel the blood and see that there was something wrong, he bled back through the umbilical cord and back into the placenta causing tiny little blood clots. It’s possible that this also caused a small abruption as the blood clots covered about 10-30% of the placenta.

So that is what I got from the OB but i think there is a little more to it and I am just un sure of how to read the report. We go to a maternal/fetal specialist on Monday 3/23. He should go over the entire report with us in detail and explain it to us so that we fully understand. Then we will discuss the risk all of this poses on subsequent pregnancies as well as what our action plan will be for subsequent pregnancies. I do know that they will be delivering me between 36-37 weeks because all of the above occured between 38-39 weeks gestation. I will also be having a c-section due to the fact that I am just really not made to vaginally deliver. Jayden was only 6lbs 5oz and I had ad really really hard time getting him out. I also had lots of complications with my episiotomy so the best solution seems to just go the c-section route.

Our OB explained that the most likely route for subsequent pregnancies would be to take baby aspirin and then two shots of a blood thinner that is called Heparin. I will also have to have my antibodies monitored since I have antibodies against Jayden’s blood type. If the next baby has the same blood type as Jayden, some preventative measures may need to take place so that my antibodies don’t attach the babies blood cells thinking they are bad and is a virus or infection.

Josh and I were already given the okay to try again, and this was our first month. So right now we are on our “two week wait” to see what happens. I’ll be able to test around the 24th of march (the earliest) but wil probably wait until the 28th to get a more accurate test.

As for our emotional well-being, it’s been really tough. We were finally starting to cope with the fact that there was no known cause. Then now we have to start back over with there something being wrong with me. I have been craving for an answer for the last 3 months. I needed the question of WHY? answered. But now that I have an answer, it does not make me feel at all better. I feel worse, I feel guilty. The question “Why didn’t I know something was wrong” keeps shooting through my brain. I feel guilty that I’m here and he isn’t. I keep crying constantly. I’ve been more emotional in the last two days than I have in the last few weeks. I was starting to just become numb to everything around me and now I feel cut back open again and learning to cope all over. I’ve been so unhappy with going back to work. I have found that I am just not happy with alot of the things I used to love to do. I have a very very hard time focusing on things, such as work. I find myself thinking, and honestly bawling my eyes out most nights at work. I don’t want to quit, in all honestly financially I can’t quit, but I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like we need to run away and just start over, but in the end I know that is no way to fix anything.

I’ve been completely reliant on my two support groups. Our support group through the hospital that we go to once a month has been a real crutch. We’d be lost with out it. We’ve met some amazing couples, who unfortunately have been put on the same journey we are now going through. Some going to group for almost ten years, and others who are fresh into this as we are. We have made really good friends with several of the couples and we meet and talk with them outside of group quite often. It’s really nice to have someone call you and just say “how are you” who understand exactly what you are feeling and you don’t feel crazy explaining things going on. They aren’t going to think you need to go see a pyciatrist! The other support group is an e-mail group called SPALS. (subsequent pregnancy after loss support) and it’s full of women who have lost babies, who are again TTC and who are currently pregnant with a baby after a loss. It’s nice to be able to shoot an email and get tons of responses, different points of view, answers and feeling good when you can answer back to one of theirs. As for JB, He’s been quiet about it. I know he’s struggling and I just don’t know how to help him. I hate to see him hurt so much, but at the same time there is nothing I can do to fix it for him other than to hug him, kiss him and tell him I love him. We talk to Jayden very often, we visit him atleast once a week and we miss him so much. Life is just completely upside down and we are still, 3 months later, trying to turn it right side up again.

Well – that’s that for ya! Thanks for reading

Jayden’s Mommy.